Faith > Fear Embodied

LORD,

 

I feel a craving to want what you want. I sit here today knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this is what you are calling me to do, but the devil’s still knocking. 

 

He’s knocking with a basket of goodies in hand: fear, doubt. Both wrapped together in a nice little napkin, a tempting smell drifting through the door as if they are fresh out the oven.

 

The devil came knocking and I picked one up. I inspected it and almost took a bite when I remembered the all-encompassing flavor of those red words. Every single one juicy and concentrated leaving me full and flourished time and time again. 

 

These words give me comfort in a way nothing else can. Wisdom and courage are there for the taking. And recently, I needed a double cup of both. 

 

Lord, I thank you for welcoming us with open arms, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until brought together by death. A love much greater than any I have experienced. 

 

The definition of a perfect love. An agape love.

 

Thanks God!

 

 

Your Daughter,

KP 🙂

 

 

 

….

 

 

Lately He has been teaching me the complete meaning of the phrase “Faith > Fear”. A statement of faith used by many but fully understood by few. 

As many of you know, I recently announced my decision to serve the LORD through the World Race on social media. I was amazed and overcome by emotion because of the love and support myself and my family have received. To see God move through so many people using verbal affirmation is a sign only He knew I needed. 

While this may be true, I could not help to ignore the little creeping monsters in my thoughts known as fear and doubt. Doubt that I will not be capable of raising the $15,800 + enough for necessary supplies. Fear that I misheard His calling, but if I had heard His calling correctly, what is this future going to look like for me, how is it going to change my life. 

You see, throughout this process I have possessed an all-encompassing sense of peace about everything: His calling, fundraising, the support; because I know if it is His will, it will be done. Never until now. I immediately picked up my bible and read Matthew 17:20-21 & 2 Corinthians 5:7.

 

 I pray for my trust to be concrete and my faith to be beyond my own. 

 

Since my eyes have opened to the impact my decision is making on my community, I can see how it is opening the veins of curiosity in my close friends to ask questions about spiritual faith. I can see how He is moving the hearts of individuals in my community to donate and to pray, some that I would never expect. I see how He is convicting my family. Utterly stopping them in their tracks. Forcing them to wholeheartedly trust in His plan, provision, peace, and guidance. To rely solely on Him. I see Him appearing more and more in our daily life.

His calling was not simply for me, it was for this community. The impact is not just through the seeds I plant overseas, it’s for every single individual following this story. I have heard that this journey does not start when you leave the country, it starts now at home. Those people could not be more right.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

Recently I visited with old friends and was discussing this next chapter of my life when the Lord resurfaced an important detail of my journey, I feel I should share:

If you read my previous blog post, you know I went to a college worship group called HouseChurch. At the end of worship one night, a girl I didn’t know at the time approached me and explained she felt the Lord put upon her heart to tell me something. She brought up His journey of temptation in the desert and the challenges He faced tying them back to the valleys and deserts He allows us to walk through as believers in Christ. Valleys that build character of the Lord and a stronger understanding of His love and plan for us as His children. At times, it feels like He has forsaken us and is nowhere in yelling proximity, yet He is right beside us taking the role of a silent proctor: it is a test. Sometimes we must wait. Waiting makes you stronger. The thing about waiting is you know growth is coming. You know something life altering is coming. A period of waiting is one of the most beautiful phases of life, so how about we slow down, trust his timing, and smell the roses?

She also focused on how it can feel scary to share your faith, like you’re being judged by others. Others that mean the world to you. Following Christ can be a lonely business in Earthly terms. The Lord is the only One who can judge and judge honestly; because of His love for me, I am learning to not care about others judgement or cruelty.

I find it funny because I didn’t know what this meant at the time. I simply remember feeling like I was just hand-picked out of a 10,000-person crowd: special. And maybe a bit confused. He majestically crafted each detail of our lives with intentionality. In this moment, I can look back with a grin across my face acknowledging His craft and the distance He has brought me. I can understand the beauty in wait, but by no means is the characteristics of that statement easy nor will it ever be.